Will my child be able to choose who they live with?
May 12, 2026 11:53 am - Categorised in: EFN-News, Family, Personal Matters
This is a question that often concerns parents when they are contemplating separation. The answer very much depends on whether what a child wants to happen is in their best interests.
Every family is different, in some families, the children are used to being cared for by both parents, in others one parent takes the lead with childcare whilst the other works. In the event of a separation, it is important to consider what is going to be in the best interests of your child moving forwards. This will often be a very different arrangement to what has occurred in the past.
The children may be used to one parent being the primary carer, but any arrangement moving forward should consider how best to preserve the child’s relationship with both parents. Whilst the child’s wishes and feelings should be ascertained and considered, there may be a good reason for these not to necessarily be followed.
How do I find out what my child really wants?
There are several ways that a child’s wishes and feelings can be considered. Child Inclusive Mediation is a process whereby a specially trained Mediator can meet with a child to discuss what they would like to happen and why. They can then work with both parents to communicate this and discussions can then take place about what arrangements should be put in place.
If you go to Court, the Court will appoint a specially trained Court Officer to consider your case. This person will be from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS). If the officer believes it would be appropriate, they can arrange to speak to your child and undertake some work to ascertain the child’s wishes and feelings.
Is there an age when a child can choose who to live with?
There is not a specific age that a child can decide for themselves, however in general terms as a child gets older they will be able to express their wishes and feelings more clearly. Even in cases concerning older children, the Court can still make a decision which is contrary to their wishes and feelings if they decide it is necessary to meet that child’s best interests.
What if the other parent tries to change my child’s views?
When the wishes and feelings of a child are ascertained, either in Child Inclusive Mediation or by a CAFCASS Officer, these specially trained professionals know that in some cases children can be easily swayed, either by promises made by one party to the child, or through loyalty that a child may feel towards one parent. They also understand that a child’s view of a parent may not necessarily be their own view, but one which has been formed through what they have overheard or misunderstood.
The reasons for that child’s wishes and feelings will be explored and considered to try and ascertain whether there are any other factors which are impacting the child’s view. Ultimately, the child’s best interest will always be the paramount consideration.
If you would like to arrange an appointment to discuss your situation in a confidential and clear way, then please do not hesitate to contact the Ellis-Fermor and Negus family team.
Author: Joanne Wilbraham
Telephone: 01773 744 744
Email: Joanne.Wilbraham@ellis-fermor.co.uk
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